The first time I had a Little One, I found it hard. Not the giving birth bit [though wowsers, yes! my friends, that was a challenge. Of the: if.I.did.that.I.can.do.anything type]. But more the after the bit. The coming home and the every day after that. For ages I felt like I had no idea what I was doing. And when I say ages, I mean A-G-E-S.
This time around it has felt heaps easier and I’ve been really curious about why. I think the biggest thing might just be that I know I’ve done it before and that I know [in retrospect] that I did [and continue to do] a really good job of it [according to what matters to me].
As a coach, lovely folk often talk to me about confidence and how to find it. I know that there are several ways to build your own sense of self-efficacy and one of those is Direct Performance Experience [otherwise known as: the more I see I can do it, the more I know I can].
But I know that doesn’t really help when you’re facing something that you’ve never done before. The good news is, there are other ways to build your own self-belief, like: verbal persuasion from others [they think I can so I must be able to!], watching folk who are similar to you do a great job [if she can I can too!] and positive emotional states [I'm feeling great so I'm well prepared to give it a go].
Knowing what boosts your own self-confidence makes you more able to access that self-belief when you really need it.
I went for a walk yesterday. Which, I know, sounds like Not A Very Big Deal.
But I was feeling a little flat [two-hourly wake ups will do that to a girl, even if she is waking for the sweetest of little dots]. And what I really felt like doing was crawling under my doona and having an I.would.stay.here.all.day.if.i.could snooze.
But, my friends, I didn’t. I pulled on my new [they.only.had.them.in.pink] trainers and headed out.
Now, I hadn’t walked properly for about a hundred years [I found it hard to move towards the end of my pregnancy] and I have been feeling a little house-bound of late [trying to work out how to coordinate two sets of tiny needs at exactly the same time - I have developed a whole new respect for parents I see out and about with multiple little ones...how did you even get out the door??]
So I went out and it was incredible! The sun was shining, my legs were moving [I have muscles!?] and I was listening to terrific music. So great!
They [They?] say that exercise is great for your well-being and I always think yehbut the times I most need a well-being boost are the times when I least feel like doing anything remotely exercise.like. But then I make the effort when I least feel like it and I know that They are super smart and super right.
Now? I’m just going to try and make it a regular thing.
Do you ever have to wait for anything? I mean, really wait [not just sit.here.reading.the.paper.while.they.make.my.avocado.on.toast wait].
When I was little, my dad used to take me and my sister to the park every Saturday afternoon. [In retrospect, my mum was probably going bananas and needed a break]. We loved it. The only thing was, we always had to wait until after lunch. And then, we had to wait until after coffee.
Now, this was not just a slug.it.down.coffee. My dad liked to kick back in his favourite chair, with a big mug of instant [nescafe, black, no sugar. mmmm yum!blegh!] and a Monte Carlo biscuit, while he read The Economist. My friends! This was The World’s Longest Coffee and the wait used to kill us, every week.
I was thinking this morning, about how I am super spoilt and never really have to wait for much. Which means that I am not very good at it.
Right now I am waiting for this baby to arrive. [yep, still]. And I am big and uncomfortable and grumpy and ridiculously impatient. I’m trying to stay in the moment, enjoying the now. But to be honest, it’s not working so well.
I’m back to being that little kid, watching that coffee s-l-o-w-l-y disappear – slurp by slurp.