4 thoughts holding you back

In my coaching practice I see brilliant women who are often held back by self-limiting thoughts.

Here are four big ones and some simple strategies to address them:

+ I’m not _____ enough

In most cases, this assertion is not supported by factual evidence. It’s just a statement that is fuelled by fear and designed to keep you safe.

If and when you find yourself saying this, it can be really helpful to remind yourself that a thought is just a thought. It’s not necessarily to be believed.

As an explanation, try saying out loud: I am a banana. Now, are you a banana? No, you just had the thought that you were a banana. The same is true for all the other thoughts that run through your head. They are simply thoughts.

So, the next time you find yourself crippled by an I’m not _____ enough thought, try reminding yourself that it’s just a thought. And that you’re not a banana.

+ They think I’m _____

Maybe they do. Maybe they don’t! The thing is, you don’t have access to that information and it doesn’t really matter anyway.

Because concerns about others’ thoughts are usually a reflection of what you, yourself, are really worried about.

So go deeper. Look at these doubts more deeply:

• I’m worried that they think I’m stupid. So what?
• If they think that, then they won’t renew my contract. So what?
• Then I’ll be unemployed. So what?
• Then I won’t be able to find a job and I’ll be homeless. So what?
• Then I’ll have to move back in with my parents. So what?
• Then my mum will be right when she said I’ll always be a chronic under-achiever.

Ah! So really then, what’s bothering you, is what your mum thinks of you. Getting clear on what you’re really worried about frees you up.

+ By now I should have _____

This thought can form when you look around at what other people are doing and compare yourself to what they’re up to. For example: most of my friends have mortgages, so by now I should have a mortgage.

My suggestion? Get clear on what you really want.

Do you want a mortgage? If so, say: I want a mortgage. Then work out what you need to get one.

But maybe you don’t really want a mortgage. Maybe you really just need reassurance that you’re ok and you aren’t going to die lonely, broken and homeless with no achievements to your name. If that’s the case, then work out some other way to build confidence in your ability to achieve the future you do want.

+ It’s too late to _____

Lots of women tell me that they’d love to retrain as a graphic designer/[something else] but they’re already 36/[some other age] and it’s too late.

There are two options here:

Recognise that in the scheme of your whole, entire life the amount of time it will take to retrain is probably quite minimal and [depending on your age – different if you’re 85] quite worthwhile.

or

Decide that you don’t want to retrain but look at what it is about the desired new direction that appeals and then find other ways to incorporate those elements into your existing life.

Tags: life-coaching, Melbourne, women