7 ways to: find your people

Community matters.

Whether you’re establishing a new business or finding your way as a new mum or building your career or focusing on study or healing after a breakup or making a home in a new neighbourhood or just trying to build on the [great] life you’re already living, forging strong connections with people around you really matters.

But meeting people and building a beautiful crowd can be hard. Really hard! Here are some ideas to help:

+ Find a routine [and stick to it]

Humans are creatures of habit. If they catch the 8.13am train they’ll probably always catch that train. If they buy a coffee at a particular cafe they’ll usually head there at that exact same time. If they go to a gym class, they’ll most likely often attend that session. See where I’m heading with this?

If you’re keen to connect with people around you, find a routine and stick to it. You’ll start to notice some familiar faces. And when they start noticing you too, you can begin on that incredible getting.to.know.each.other dance – the one that begins with a nod and progresses to wine, pizza, stories, nights in, weekends away, shared dreams and eventually, to lifelong friendship. Lovely!

+ Be proactive

One good way to meet people and connect with a community is to wait for others to invite you places and then commit to saying ‘yes!’ to every invitation you receive. This works. But the thing is, it’s a little disempowering: you’re relying on others to make the first move [and what if they never do?!]

A far more effective alternative [but one that takes greater courage] is to develop the community yourself. Decide what you’d most like to be doing and then make it happen. Start a local mothers’ group and post it on local forums, initiate a regular gathering of like-minded creative folk, volunteer to be the first social committee member at work, start a MeetUp group, establish a study club.

+ Ask for help

This one seems obvious but it’s often overlooked. For some reason, it can feel shameful to need help with meeting people. Don’t let that get in your way though, because while people tend to not ask for help themselves, they love [and respect] it when others ask and they do everything they can to try and help [weird, huh?!]

So ask away! Let people know what you’re trying to do and who you’re trying to meet and see if they know anyone they can put you in touch with.

+ Hunt Down Connectors

While we’re on the topic of asking for help, I would suggest focusing your efforts. All help is great but the Mayfair [think Monopoly] of Helpers is the Connector.

Everyone knows at least one Connector. They are those magical people who seem to know heaps of other people and who have a special knack for bringing the right people together. When you’re focused on building a community, Connectors are d-i-a-m-o-n-d-s. Hunt them down and befriend them. Buy them a drink then watch them work miracles.

+ Schedule Time

You know how you arrange meetings at work and make appointments to meet your doctor and set aside time to go to the gym? You need to take the same approach when you’re aiming to build a community.

Weeks go by fast and it’s ridiculously easy to realise that it’s Thursday again [you only know that because of the TV schedule] and you haven’t done anything to boost your social situation.

So get clear on what action you will take and when and put those dates in your diary.

Then think about the person in your life who you hold in highest regard. Decide to respect the commitments you’ve made to yourself as strongly as you would any promises you might make to that person.

+ Set Limits and Standards 

Meeting people requires you to put yourself out there and for most people that can be really scary. Not every effort will go perfectly and it is almost certain that at some point [possibly several] you will feel embarrassed or exposed or nervous. That said, you need to push yourself. It’s no use staying home and thinking about the drinks event you could have gone to. Or going but then talking to the one person you know all night.

So push, but set some limits and respect them: you might say you have to go and talk to two new people but after an hour you can make a bee-line for that uber.

And get clear on what counts as success. Making a whole new community won’t happen immediately so it is important to establish your own metrics to assess your efforts, as you go.

+ Have Fun!

Your Meeting People Efforts are designed to enhance your life. So aim for the process to be joyful and uplifting too!

Tags: life-coach, Melbourne, women