An impostor?

As an evidence-based coach, so many of the women who come to see me are incredibly intelligent, focused, warm, thoughtful and high-achieving. [Oh, and funny. Did I mention funny? Very funny.]

The thing is, many of them reveal to me a strong and often crippling sense of self-doubt. They question themselves and their own accomplishments and feel quite certain that if anyone knew what they were really like [how slow/stupid/uncultured/unkind/thoughtless/anxious/boring/etc] they really are, they would most certainly be caught out.

People come to me for help to overcome this Imposter Syndrome. They’re convinced that if they could only start believing in themselves and in their achievements just a little more, they would be fine.

But I’m not so sure.

I reckon you can tell yourself over and over that you’re good enough and you can even present the evidence [look! A PhD! A book deal! A fancy title! A thriving business!] and still remain skeptical and fearful of being exposed as a huge, great, giant fraud.

I would suggest that overcoming Impostor Syndrome is less about believing in your own accomplishments and more about realising that other people are just as flawed as you are. And knowing that success can sit comfortably with imperfection and failure.

Interested? You might like to try this:

• Make a list of all your perceived flaws. [Go on! And please, do write all of this down.] Try to focus particularly on vulnerabilities that other people would never suspect of you.
• Now choose someone you really admire. Maybe a boss or a friend or a public figure. And try to imagine insecurities that they feel but never let on about. What fears might they quietly hold? What perceived flaws do they grapple with? What failures might they have experienced and moved beyond?

Recognising that everyone [no matter how capable and self-assured they appear] struggles with shame and doubt and regret and fear serves to normalise your own internal experiences. And knowing that others have succeeded in spite of their burdens allows for the possibility of your own brilliant, encumbered progress.

Tags: life-coaching, Melbourne