Assertive / Assured

Clients sometimes come to me saying that they’ve been told [most often at work] that they need to be more assertive. Which I actually think is often code for: you need to be more extroverted, forceful, fearless, loud.

I prefer to think of assertiveness in terms of being self-assured: being quietly confident in yourself and in your own opinions; being willing to share your ideas openly and directly; being secure enough to listen and shift.

The great thing about a broader definition is that it makes assertiveness more accessible. Rather than being an attribute enjoyed predominantly by gregarious extroverts, it can be cultivated by quieter individuals who have an inner calm and self-knowing. That translates well into grounded ideas that are convincingly expressed and consistently well received.

You can take steps to encourage greater self-assuredness:

+ Work to your strengths

If you’re not naturally loud and brash and outgoing, it doesn’t matter. Don’t try to be. What is important here is authenticity and embracing the style that is naturally yours. If you’re talented at thinking and speaking on the spot, then that’s terrific. But if you’re better at taking some time to think things over and then responding in writing, then that’s good too.

+ Form an opinion

In order to deliver an idea clearly and persuasively you need to know what you’re trying to say. So practice developing a point of view. You could start, in private, by reading articles on topics you know nothing about and then speaking to them out-loud.

+ Practice

Practice speaking up in situations that aren’t threatening: with your friends, in small team meetings, or in the local cafe where they know your name. Once you’ve mastered the small environment you’ll be more confident in tackling those bigger, scarier situations that might once have seemed more intimidating.

+ Dip into conflict

And you might like to practice speaking up when the situation doesn’t sit right. Again, it can be helpful to test this on a smaller scale: perhaps by piping up when a friend says something you don’t agree with and gently exploring the idea, instead of letting it go.

Tags: career-coaching, life-coaching, Melbourne