Assumptions made

Recently a few of my terrific clients have made assumptions about me – kind ones, not mean!

But I noticed in the moment, that they used those assumptions to fuel an unhelpful narrative that they’d created about themselves.

These were the assumptions:

• Assumption: You’re so together. [Unhelpful personal narrative: I’m a total mess and so, I’m not good enough.]
• Assumption: You never procrastinate. [Unhelpful personal narrative: I procrastinate over everything and so, I’m weak.]
• You wouldn’t care what others think. [Unhelpful personal narrative: I care too much and so, I have bad self-esteem.]
• You must be really busy at the moment. [Unhelpful personal narrative: My business is slower and so, I’m a failure.]

And this is the truth:

• I have a lot of stuff together and I also have moments of chaos. [I have three little kids and a small business, remember!!?] The stuff you see of me online and on Zoom is a tiny slice of my life.
• I procrastinate all the time! Of course I do, I’m human! I want to avoid the uncomfortable feelings too! But I know why it happens and I know what to do about it, I’ve worked out what works for me.
• I care what others think and I consciously limit the extent to which that shapes my choices and thoughts. You can have a strong sense of self and also want people to see you as a good human, who operates with integrity.
• I am busy but not too busy. I made a decision a while ago to not buy into the busyness = success paradigm. I don’t book months into the future – if I am getting full I close my bookings until I have more capacity. That’s not a judgement on professionals who do, I just know that it doesn’t work for me, it makes me anxious.

We can never know what’s really going on for others but we can use assumptions we make about them to get clearer about what’s going on for ourselves. Next time you hear yourself assuming something about someone else it could be helpful to check in and ask: is this assumption fuelling an unhelpful personal narrative? Is there an alternative story I could consider?

Tags: career-coaching, life-coaching, Melbourne