Awkward conversations

Do you put off awkward conversations? You know, asking your flatmate to make less noise, speaking to your manager about feedback, discussing the need for personal hygiene with the colleague you share an office with…

Of course you do! You’re human! Everyone puts off conversations that they worry might lead to them seeming unlikeable, or might fracture the relationship, or might be uncomfortable, or might go badly and make things even worse!

But the thing is, delaying these conversations can actually lead to the very results you fear. Not talking can make you seem unlikeable, can fracture the relationship, can make you uncomfortable, can make things unravel.

And having the chat can actually ladder you to a place of greater shared understanding, reduce conflict, contribute to the development of a stronger relationship and improve the whole situation!

It’s all in the way you do it.

If there’s something on your mind and you want to be brave and speak to the person about it, you might like to keep these pointers in mind:

+ Why: State your purpose

It is always really helpful to get clear beforehand on why you want to chat and to share this intention, straight up.

I was hoping to speak to you about X because…

+ What: Clarify the desired outcome

So too, it is important to know beforehand what you actually want to see shift, as a result of the chat. Share this openly.

I would like for us to…

+ How: Highlight shared solutions

Brainstorm some possible ways that you could both work together to achieve that and again, share them.

Perhaps we could…

And invite their contribution.

I wonder if you have any ideas on what else we might be able to do?

*

People often worry that they won’t know what to say but really you won’t need to say much at all. Just focus on:

• Listening: Hmmm, tell me more?
• Reflecting: So you’re saying that you’ve been finding it…
• Staying curious: That’s so interesting – I wonder what might be going on there?
• Maintaining a solution-focus: I am really keen to…I wonder what we could do, to make that change?

Tags: career-coaching, life-coaching, Melbourne