Choice, under pressure

When you find yourself under pressure, how do you tend to respond?

Most of us turn to one of three roles:

• The victim [‘Why is this happening to me?’]
• The Director [‘Why is everyone so useless? This is what needs to happen!’]
• The Saver [‘Let me do that.’]

It can happen at any time – at home, in business, at work. Pressure builds [often invisibly] and then something happens [often something seemingly innocuous and small] and you’re tipped into reactive mode.

It can be really helpful to notice this in action:

• You sleep through your alarm, you open your phone to multiple emails from your boss sent through the night, your coffee machine breaks, your client sends through change requests right before the presentation and you catapult into: ‘agh!! what is happening? Why does everything always go wrong for me?!’ [Victim].
• After a morning of intense parenting, your five year old tips over a full glass of milk and you leap into: ‘agh!! Why cant you hold it with two hands! Clean it up!’ [Director].
• Everyone at the office has been under intense pressure for months. There’s been no reprieve. You’ve been pulling 14 hour days for weeks. Then in a  team meeting a colleague breaks down, cries and says they’re completely overwhelmed. Despite feeling exactly the same way you immediately raise your hand and offer to take on the bulk of their work: ‘I’ll do it!’ [Saver].

The thing with reacting like this, is that it’s fear based: you fear being responsible; you fear losing control; you fear not being liked or needed. And it also shuts you down.

The alternative?

The alternative is to notice this reaction in action and to engage consciously in exploring other creative possibilities.

• Notice yourself reacting [try to hold off on judgement, just notice]
• Find space for yourself [maybe a deep breath, a walk outside]
• Be kind to yourself [gently acknowledge what’s going on, ask yourself what you need in that moment]
• Recognise responsibility [see that you have a choice to behave differently]
• Reconnect with what really matters [what is the real purpose of the situation and what possible steps can you take now, to move towards that?]

Tags: career-coaching, life-coaching, Melbourne