How to: escape The Perfect Trap

The Perfect Trap. You might know it: you’re super keen to do something but the fear of not doing it perfectly is keeping you from trying. So then you don’t do anything at all [which is obviously a little less than ideal too].

The Perfect Trap is highly effective in that it keeps you safe [from looking silly, feeling vulnerable, being criticised…]. But it can also keep you from doing great things and living the life you would really love to live.

The Perfect Trap is cunning but it can be defeated! Here are some simple strategies:

+ Consider the back story

The Perfect Trap often arises when you compare what you’re thinking of doing with what others have already achieved. You know all the messy, anxiety ridden, less than perfect steps that you, yourself will take. But all you can see of their experience is a carefully curated demonstration of perfect results. You don’t see the failure along the way that got edited out [for the purposes of instagram, say].

It can be really helpful to just imagine the true experience of the people you hold up and whose imaginary journeys deter you. Imagine all their first drafts, all their wonky pieces, all their boring speeches, all their awkward interviews, all their pitches that flopped, all their ideas that never materialised.

Then focus on your own stuff, and keep going.

+ Aim for fail

As a perfectionist, the idea of failing can be terrifying. So terrifying, that you’ll do almost anything to avoid it. Which is why you constantly strive for perfect, because with all your ducks perfectly aligned you can believe that you’re keeping that terror at bay.

The funny thing is, failure isn’t actually that bad. And in fact, it delivers much more of a beautiful life richness than perfection ever could.

A brilliant way to break the Perfect Trap cycle is to actively embrace failure. To get comfortable with it in areas that don’t matter so much. You might join a knitting group and knit the worst beanie they’ve ever seen. Or do a stroke correction class and get overtaken every single lap.

Once you fail, you realise that not doing well is not so bad [You failed! You’re still alive!] And you’ll see that those experiences actually allowed for some good stuff: you made friends in the knitting group; and you felt so healthy after those early morning swim training sessions.

+ Choose an alternative

Perfect often arises as the default standard for many women: I must do it perfectly, or not at all.

It can be helpful to illuminate this line of thinking and then to consciously select an alternative. You might aim for great or highly effective or warm or supportive or inspiring.

Whatever you choose, set some objective markers so that you will know when you reach it.

Tags: life-coaching, Melbourne, women