exclamation!

You’re the best! You’re powerful and strong and indestructible! Nothing can stop you!

Positive self-statements are messages designed to change your attitude about yourself. They have been promoted by self.help.gurus for years, as a way to unlock your potential! create an edge! live your ultimate journey!

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m a big believer in positive self-talk as one element in the process of designing a satisfying and fulfilled life. [I’m a coach after all]. I’m just a little put off by crazy.exclamation.mark.language. And by the fact that there is considerable, evidence-based research that encourages caution in the use of such statements.

Contrary to some loud(!) motivational claims, positive messages to the self can be useless, or even harmful. Messages that fall far from an individual’s attitude to self, beyond the Latitude of Acceptance, are likely to be met with resistance. They can even backfire, encouraging a tightened grip on the original position. In contrast, moderately positive statements that fall within the realm of possibility and that focus on specific attruibutes instead of embracing sweeping claims, are far more likely to be persuasive.

An example. You have been struggling to contain your anxiety in social situations. You have been telling yourself that you are boring and unworthy of attention and that you have nothing to contribute. Positive self-statements like they love me! I am great! I can own this! might actually be detrimental, partly because they elicit contradictory thoughts [No they dont. No I’m not. No I can’t]. Instead, a thought like: I am a good listener and people like to be listened to, falls within the realm of acceptance, focuses on a specific attribute and is less likely to arouse disconfirming thoughts.

Sometimes a gentler approach is far more effective.