Find the And

I asked a three year old recently: if you could have a dog or a cat as a friend, which would you choose? And without missing a beat she replied: a fish!

Clients often come to me when they’re considering options and are not sure which direction to choose. Often those choices appear in stark terms: I could do this or I could do that:

• I could stay in this paid job or I could go out and start my own creative business
• I could save money or I could go travelling
• I could be polite or I could tell them exactly what I think!
• I could stay in this safe relationship or I could leave and be happy

This dichotomised thinking tends to be pretty unhelpful and doesn’t leave much room for rewarding, nuanced living. While dramatic decisions can feel satisfying in the moment [I quit!], most folk find that long-term happiness is tricky to sustain in the extremes.

When clients come to me with a couple of severe and competing options, I suggest this: Find the And.

• How could you maintain a steady income and pursue your creativity?
• How could you save money and satisfy your need for adventure?
• How could you stay true to your value of politeness and have your needs met?
• How could you feel happy and safe?

If you’re struggling with a big decision, have a go at Finding the And.

Make sure to do the exercise when you’re feeling happy and relaxed [remember: experiences of positive emotions can expand your thought-action repertoire. Feeling good will enhance your creative thinking and promote your capacity to extend the self. Super!] Write your thoughts down because great ideas tend to have a way of rudely disappearing. And then just see what emerges!

You might open up a whole lot of options you have never even considered.

Tags: choices, decision making, happiness, values