I wish I was

In coaching, people often say to me: I just wish I was…

And then they finish the sentence with stuff like: more organised, more confident, calmer, kinder, fitter, more accomplished, less worried about money, more in-the-moment, better at public speaking, less concerned about what other people think, happier, less stressed, a better friend. You get it, right?

This type of thinking is really common. It’s also pretty disheartening because it puts you in a position of thinking you’re less than you want to be without offering a way to change.

If you find yourself thinking I wish I was… it is far more empowering to try this:

Work out what that thing actually means and looks like to you. Confidence, for example feels very different to different people. So if you’re wanting to boost your confidence, work out what practical things would tell you that you were feeling more confident. Then identify three easy things you can actually do [this week!] to get you moving towards that end goal.

So, maybe for you being more confident would mean that you would speak up more in meetings, manage your negative self-talk more helpfully, be more willing to have the tough conversation with your partner that you’ve been putting off and dancing at parties.

Then you decide that this week you will:

• Email your boss to say that you would like to have some coaching to help with your presentation skills
• Practice recognising the unhelpful thoughts and defusing from them [like this]
• Texting your partner to say you’ve bought a great bottle of wine and you’d love to have a chat tonight
• Call your best friend to say you need someone to help you get up and dance this weekend

Wishing you were different but not doing anything to change leaves you feeling rotten. Noticing what you’d like to improve and taking active and healthy steps to move towards your ideal feels terrific.

Tags: life-coaching, Melbourne