joy

I recently treated myself to a meditation class with my beautiful friend Catherine, from The Wellbeing Corner.

It was a small group of lovely women, and we were invited to take part in a short gratefulness meditation. I was surprised to find myself teary, a little overwhelmed.

I am so so [so!] grateful for everything that I have in my life. Mostly for My Lovely One and our two chickens but also for our home and our garden and our family and friends and for the life we’re able to live.

I find myself holding onto a huge [and until recently, unspoken] fear that it will one day just disappear: poooof! into thin air. Leaving me a broken shell. Knowing what I had and missing it, beyond everything.

In her [brilliant] book, Daring Greatly, Brene Brown suggests several ways that we use to protect ourselves from being hurt: strategies designed to keep us from being diminished that end up holding us back from living full, rich and fulfilling lives. One of these techniques is Foreboding Joy.

As I read I nodded: yes yes yes. I rehearse tragedy because the vulnerability of experiencing the overwhelming joy of family and love is almost too much.

So I am practising: in those moments where I feel the ‘uncomfortable quake of vulnerability’ I am turning towards my [incredible] joy instead of leaning away.

Tags: appreciation, baby love, choices, courage, family, My Lovely One, vulnerability