language [power of]

I was speaking recently, to my beautiful dad, about a movie he had seen. His review was lukewarm, which surprised me because other reports had been overwhelmingly positive.

A week later, I saw it myself.

Now, as you might know, going to the movies is one of my most favourite things. Even if the film is not.that.good, I will tend to enjoy it [or at least something about it]. Especially if I’m seeing it with My Lovely One and we can hold hands as the lights go down and talk about it afterwards.

But, my friends, with this movie, I didn’t even have to hunt around for something positive. It was ridiculously beautiful. Slow and gentle and insightful and tender, it captured a love in so beautifully fragile a way that some moments left me hardly able to breathe. Towards the end, I almost broke into the ugly cries [you know the ones: where you actually heave and sob. Super awkward].

Now, the difference in the way my dad and I experienced this same film seemed so stark, I was curious. So the next time I saw him I asked. And do you know, it was very strange. He was surprised that I had heard him say that he hadn’t enjoyed the film. He had. But when he had discussed it originally, his words had sounded so negative to me. He had said it was slow, he had focused on the performances that hadn’t stood out for him, he had highlighted certain aspects that he didn’t deem award.worthy.

I shouldn’t be surprised: it’s generally the way he communicates his experiences. Something might happen that feels good at the time but his re-telling will focus on practical aspects that could have been improved. In contrast, I will tend to revisit a positive experience by exploring all the stuff that felt great.

It reminds me of just how powerful language is in defining our individual and collective experiences. The words we choose can affect the way we perceive our own world and the way others perceive us.

Tags: communication, holding hands, language, movies, My Lovely One