markers

Do you expect a crazy amount of yourself? [yeh. me too].

Sometimes it’s a good thing: it’s good to expect yourself to treat others with an enormous respect; it’s good to practice big kindness; it’s good to encourage a high degree of curiosity and openness. Those things are good. Definitely good.

But sometimes those ridiculously high expectations we have of ourselves can be unhelpful.

My Lovely One and I are currently navigating our way through the first months with our tiny, lovely, breathtakingly amazing, sweet girl. I have read all those books that say it’s ok in these early days not to do the washing or clean the floor or scrub the bath or write an article or broker a deal or come up with life.altering philosophies. I know that. I agree! [Of course.]

But why then, did I find myself last week baking a batch of chocolate chip cookies? [In my defence, they were heart.stoppingly good. And I do love baking.] But still. When I think about it, the reason I felt the need to whip them up was to prove something to myself. To show myself that I was On Top of Things. That I was Doing OK!

He tells me: you’re doing beautifully. And mostly I believe. [After all, as he points out, our little one is fed and safe and we are all happy and healthy and together]. But still, I find myself striving for these self-imposed, arbitrary and unnecessary markers of Doing.A.Great.Job.

Tags: baby love, balance, choices, self