Speak up

A few terrific coaching clients have spoken to me recently about the challenges they face when speaking up in meetings.

These women are smart and accomplished and they’re always meticulously prepared. But when they find themselves in front of a group of senior [often male] colleagues who speak effortlessly and with what appears to be unwavering self-confidence, they go silent while their negative self-talk goes into overdrive.

Invariably someone else then pipes up with an idea that they, themselves, were wanting to share. The Talker-upperer then collects the kudos while my client curses her self-doubt and slides deeper into a debilitating confidence-in-meetings slump.

So, what to do?

+ Get in early

It can be helpful to contribute early on in each meeting you attend, with something small and not-at-all-groundbreaking. Then you’ve spoken so you can avoid stressing about being That Weird Silent Person and focus your full attention on the meeting.

+ Do it often

When you speak up just once there is a huge amount of pressure on you to Get It Right and add something hugely profound. Speaking up more often means there’s more opportunity to contribute helpfully so that single interaction isn’t so laden with expectation.

+ Practice a Phrase

It is also a great idea to think of a simple phrase that will help you break into the conversation. Something easy like: I’ve been listening and… or I would also add... or whatever words come naturally, to you. Practice the phrase out loud so that saying it is second nature. Then use it in your next meeting.

+ Find an ally

Speaking up is much easier when there’s someone quietly cheering you on. This option does, of course, depend on who you have around you. But if there’s a colleague who you trust implicitly, it could be worthwhile sharing your vulnerability and your plan of action. Then when you do decide to speak up, you know you’ll feel supported.

+Be Authentic

It can be very tempting, when you’re in a room full of people who you feel intimidated by, to try and emulate them. But of course, this always ends up inauthentic and awkward and just serves to diminish your confidence even further. It is far more effective to get clear on and embrace your own natural way of being.

+ Track your progress

With this goal [as with any] it’s a great idea to set and track targets. So take note of your expectations for each meeting and document your contributions.

Keep this up until you’re at the point where you’re speaking up easily and often and can hardly even remember what you ever found so challenging.

Tags: life-coaching, Melbourne