Stop lying [to yourself]

As a coach, I am friendly, kind, insightful, generous, funny, supportive. So many good things!

One thing I’m not, though, is a sycophant. I will not sit in front of you and tell you exactly what you want to hear, just to make you feel good. Sometimes, if it will help you get to where you want to be, I will say things that will most likely make you feel a little uncomfortable.

An example? Stop lying to yourself.

Ouch.

But what I mean by it, is this: your failure to acknowledge the role you’re playing in your current circumstances is keeping you from having the life you want.

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Avoiding taking responsibility for what you perceive to be less-than-ideal circumstances can look many different ways:

• You say you hate work because your boss is a micromanager: but instead of speaking to her directly you moan to colleagues
• You blame your extreme tiredness on your crazy office hours: yet you scroll Insta for hours, every night
• You tell yourself that friends who are in relationships are smarter/prettier/funnier/more successful: but still you choose not to address the fears that keep you from dating
• You’re incredibly resentful towards your partner for keeping emotionally distant: but you avoid sitting down together, for an honest conversation
• Your friends are buying apartments and you blame your empty bank account on your lower-paying job: and yet you travel to amazing places several times a year
• You say you can’t get fit because you just don’t have the time: but you choose to prioritise seeing friends/sleeping/watching Netflix

And you know what? I get it.

It’s really easy, when life isn’t travelling the way you’d like it to, to blame others/external factors for all that is going wrong. But it’s an approach that is:

• Childish [it’s your fault! stamp foot!]
• Misguided [your predicament is almost always influenced either by your own actions or by your own perception of the situation] and
• Ultimately disempowering [keeping you from being able to do anything about the fix you’re in]

Instead of externalising, why not look at the areas of your life that seem to be stuck and get really honest with yourself [a call-it-as-it-is friend can be of help here] on the ways in which you might be keeping yourself back.

Then work out exactly what you could do differently, to move closer to where you’d rather be.

Tags: life-coaching, Melbourne