Yours/theirs

As a life-coach, clients often tell me that they would like to act but they’re worried about how others will respond:

• I would like to ask them for feedback but I don’t want to impose
• I want to tell them that they’re transgressing my boundaries but I’m worried I’ll offend
• I need to ask them to share the workload at home but I know they’ll get even more stressed
• I am ready to apply for a promotion but I don’t want to step on their toes

If you find yourself holding back because you’re worried about someone else’s response, I would say this: it can be incredibly helpful [and super liberating] to get very clear on the difference between Your Stuff and Their Stuff.

+ Your Stuff is what you do and how you do it.

+ Their Stuff is how they interpret your actions and how they choose to respond.

You have absolutely no control over Their Stuff. No matter how much you stress and analyse and try to shape the situation, Their Stuff will always be Their Stuff. All you can do is choose to act in a way that aligns with your values, see what happens and then respond with your very best self.

Letting go of Their Stuff frees up a ridiculous amount time and head space, leaving you free to focus on what really matters.

Imagine that.

***

[n.b. Of course, fear is a whole different issue. If you’re worried about your safety, if you’re worried that someone will respond with any form of violence to your actions, then I would advise extreme caution. And I would strongly encourage you to explore that issue with a qualified professional].

Tags: life-coaching, Melbourne